you owe it to yourself to have that difficult conversation
you owe it to yourself to have that difficult conversation
what’s the worst that can happen, someone feels uncomfortable? oh no??!
If I have to reflect on what works in my relationships, it’s being able to communicate what’s important.
Meaning, we choose to have difficult conversations.
We hear each other out.
We learn and we grow.
Plus, we want to talk about what works and what doesn’t work in our own communication.
It’s important that we feel heard. It’s important that we are recognized in our talks.
You probably know people that get the heebie-jeebies talking about the big picture stuff. But this stuff is of utmost importance. It matters.
It’s complex to be vulnerable.
It’s arduous to dissect and to share feelings. It’s a skill. You carve it. You whittle it from a piece of wood, sharpen it into a stake. You stab the stake into the Earth under you. And, you walk backwards to look at the stake in the ground.
That’s a glorious stake, dude.
What if you didn’t open yourself up in a difficult conversation?
You’d give up. You’d run from the path of least resistance. You’d fizzle and fade out. And then, that’s that. It’s easy to stonewall. It’s easy to ignore what’s on our minds. Ironically, that’s what makes starting these conversations harder.
And, when we choose to not appropriately share what is on our mind, we bottle them up inside.
It’s tricky to share what’s bothering us if you normally don’t have difficult conversations.
We ploy ourselves in our own narratives. We are quick to say, “well, we’ve been treated this way and we’re upset”. So in the end, what can we truly do to mitigate any of these feelings? It’s so hard to shake.
We throw our fists in the air. Plead for ourselves to be heard when we think we washed too many dishes when our other half hasn’t contributed. Or, we choose to act out our old, toxic habits. We resort to acting passive aggressive. We confine ourselves in our own heads.
When we don’t feel heard, we’ll be quick to snap.
Rightly so.
No one loves to be ignored.
It sucks. It’s damaging. We question if we’re worthy of love and attention.
It’s as if the room we want to occupy just dissipates and melts into a void, because maybe we hold too much space. We question ourselves. Is it too big a demand from loved ones for their attention? Is there a way to ask for something differently?
Can we figure out a different way of asking for what we want?
With time, yes. It’s a skill.
There is nothing wrong asking our loved ones, our partners, our colleagues, our mentors, to honor the things we need to feel secure.
To surmise my tenderness on difficult conversations, here’s a block of lyrics from Little Dragon’s song “Another Lover” that does the job.
I understand where we’re coming from
Understand my devotion
Don’t understand
what we’re doing
Understand that it’s
plain to see
But
not
clear
to me👀
If you’re an adult and you have a Christmas list, grow up.
The companies behind social media platforms have a for-profit motive. So, why do we think the best way to express our true selves is on social media?
Like, finding counterculture on Instagram is like finding a bobby pin in the packing peanuts pile. Instagram is a centralized platform, give up.
I was introduced to Avatar: The Last Airbender a couple years ago. It’s the befitting inspiration for climate change.
For radical change in the dance club industry to take off, DJs cannot be the face of the change alone. If anything, DJs take up too much space and are hijacking the focus from club workers.
Thanks for listening,
Alexander Chamorro