are we missing out when we’re not here, here?
hurry up then wait - but don’t do both at the same time b/c you’ll sweat
Nannying for children is to accept your surrender to controlling time.
Just give up.
Ya gotta hurry up, then you gotta pause and wait around. To hurry is to rush. Then, when ya need to wait, which feels mind-numbing.
Let me give y’all the visual of how I dealt with rounding up tiny humans for daycare.
We corralled the tiny gremlins into the car. Tossed the lunches in the backseat. Buckle the harness for both babies. Shuttled them to their daycare. Speed-walked through the halls. The smell of the diluted bleach along the floors follows. Waved at the smiling facilitator through the window. Fought the door open. Drop a baby off. Drop another kid off. Dart through the parking lot. Ya sit your butt in the car. Blasted the air conditioning, which worsens your dry mouth.
Drive back to the house. Awake since 6:45am. There’s nothing to do until five o’clock.
It's a good chunk of time to do nothing. To enjoy leisure time. It's time that has no objective. But, it felt empty, too. I’m not good at resting. But, I’m getting better.
Questions ran through my mind:
How can I make rest feel productive?
What can I accomplish before we pick the kids up again?
Am I resting correctly? or am I doing it wrong?
to ask myself if I’m doing rest the right way isn't relaxing at all
there’s no objective or end goal to spending leisure time, except to enjoy it in the moment
Truly, it’s dumb to foist guilt on myself. How do I know I'm spending leisure time the right way? I wish the answer was simple to decipher. It’s not clear unless I’m actually resting.
For example, with a chunk of time to myself, I’ll fill it by aimlessly scrolling through articles or videos on my phone. Or, I’ll do chores. When I illustrate these examples, I’m not pointing attention to how I can be more productive. But, those are examples of how I automatically want to fill my leisure time. As if it should be filled, like a carafe of water. The purpose isn’t to fill it and see what happens.
It can be used to take a pause. Rest. And, enjoy the rest for the sake of it.
Thanks for Listening,